α. voice

[triskeles]

[ Filtered: Stiles, Scott, Erica ]

I swear to god, if any of you tell Sansa that she's a fictional character...

[ He briefly considered adding on something prior to the filtered portion of the message, but you know what? Derek doesn't care enough to actually post his own entries on the network otherwise. Right now, anyways. ]

Comments

[triskeles]

[ There's a faint snort, but it's humored and not condescending. ]

I'm assuming it's Catskin-- I don't remember the details of the fairytale, just that it is one. She's taken the name on for herself here, which is probably smart, considering.

[puppyface]

Oh-- that's what she meant!

[God, it all makes sense now. Scott loves and hates when things make sense. Usually when they make sense it's because of something horrible.]

She thinks she's here to replace Catskin- like a job for the Stark house.

[triskeles]

Something like that, probably. And it'll keep her safe from any enemies of the House, if they show up here.

Long enough that she can find protection or go into hiding, anyways.

[ Derek trusts Scott enough to not have to tell him that he should avoid calling her Sansa on the network. ]

[puppyface]

[Scott goes quiet for a few moments.]

...The other day, uh, I talked to a guy who... said he'd been gone, and then came back. And that when he left, he was... sent away. Like, he didn't do anything special to leave, he was just.. gone. Like they'd sent him back home.

[He bites his lip, trying to mask his concern.]

What if that happens to one of us? Before Sansa can find someone- or before any of the others can leave?

[triskeles]

[ Derek considers this information for a long moment, a response not coming until a few minutes later. ]

Regardless of what they try to do, whatever's planned... I'm not going anywhere without any of you. They can try to send me home, but unless we all go together, I'm not leaving any of the pack here alone.

Which means she'll always have someone here, for when she needs help. Until she goes home, or her family shows up.

[puppyface]

[Scott allows himself a rumble of a growl; having his werewolf voicebox back certainly is nice for challenging.]

Look, I know you're trying to be all badass and reassuring and whatever, but I'm not stupid! You and I both know we don't have any control over what the rulers do or what happens to us! I just--

[He stops himself, forcing himself to have control. It comes out mostly as lost concern.]

...I just... I need to know what to do if you're ever gone. I need you to tell me what I'm supposed to do.

[As his alpha.]

[triskeles]

[ It doesn't particularly faze Derek, considering it's coming from Scott. But where the growl fails, the rest picks up the slack. ]

We might not, but you think that's going to stop any of us from trying? As if having no control in a situation ever has.

[ But he takes in a deep breath, not prepared for the idea of Scott taking care of the pack in his absence. Only one of them should have had to age so fast, and it definitely wasn't Scott. ]

You're not me, Scott. You'd need to follow your instincts, if that ever happened. [ He exhales, then, in a sigh. ] Anchor the pack. Take care of everyone, but don't forget about yourself. [ Which Derek is prone to doing. ]

[puppyface]

[Scott pauses again, sighing himself; where he is, he folds his legs to his chest and rubs at his temples with his thumb and forefinger.

This is stressful in ways he can't communicate, but he knows he can't just ignore the possibilities. That's not how things work. Not when people needed to be protected, and not when their protector was sometimes unreadable.]

Aren't you ever unsure of anything?

[It's a bit of a ridiculous inquiry; he knows that at some times, Derek must not know things. He just never seems to act like it, and expressing things wasn't exactly his strong suit.]

[triskeles]

[ That actually gets Derek to laugh-- but it's off. Tired. Because they've only been here under a week at minimum, over a month max, sure, but Derek has been alpha for months and had so many other doubts for six years. ]

Often.

[ It's rare that he admits his downfalls, but it's still something that occurs on occasion. ]

But there's no point in lingering on it, when I can try to do something about it.

[puppyface]

[For a moment, that thought occurs to Scott.

It's the first time he's really thought of it, actually. The first time the fact that Derek is an alpha- trying to protect these kids- when he's been alone since he was a kid himself. And six years isn't that long in the grand scheme of things but at the same time, it's so long, and he's been alone so long and only recently had to bury his sister.

Scott has to wonder what she was like, how she must have been, that Derek isn't focused only on himself... like Scott'd thought he was. The idea that Derek wasn't interested in leaving them alone was a comforting one.]

Yeah. I.. guess you're right.

[There's hesitance in his speech; there's so much he'd like to say, to ask, but he isn't sure if now is the time.]

[triskeles]

[ And maybe, someday-- whether it be in Arcanarum or Beacon Hills-- Derek will tell Scott about his sister. And about how Scott reminds him so much of Laura at times that it's almost uncanny. They're clearly two different people, but they carry the same determination, the same bright smiles, the same eagerness to please those that matter. Such an intense need to protect those around them.

He sees a lot of his sister in Scott McCall, but there's still enough between them that differs which has him realizing that it's not just their similarities that drives him to want Scott safe, want him in the pack.

And he's not sure how to explain that, when he's spent the past six years turning inwards on himself in an attempt to keep people out. To keep from having to explain things, or make a connection that might snap back on him.

But with the pack, here, he's going to try and fix that. Because if they don't, then there's nothing keeping them tethered and sane. And there's nothing to keep them alive, not when two of their packmates have extremely dangerous denizens and they're surrounded by risks at every turn.

He takes another, audible breath, before huffing softly. ]

We're all learning as we go.

[puppyface]

Y' ever think it'd be a lot easier if it were your sister here instead?

[Not just in Arcanarum- but in Beacon Hills. Or if they'd never gone back to Beacon Hills. Scott wouldn't judge him; none of this had been easy or enjoyable for anyone. If he were Derek, he'd trade all this pack growth for his sister back in a heartbeat.]

..I shouldn't be asking stuff like that. Nevermind.

[triskeles]

In some ways.

[ The question catches him off guard enough that Derek answers it without really thinking about it, but then it registers and he just winds up feeling numb. Because it reminds him of the second day with the ghosts, of how happy his family was-- how alive and happy they were. But then it lead into his bitten wolves, alone.

He misses his sister so much that it hurts, but thinking of that hurts just as much. ]

Laura was a very different alpha. A good one, but very different.

[puppyface]

I don't mean a different Alpha.

I mean- her instead of us. You think she could have found the answers?

[And perhaps, gotten them home?]

[triskeles]

No.

[ Derek considers the answer, after he gives it. Then he hums, low and quiet, almost agreeing with himself. ]

No, she wouldn't have. She was smart, but we were a two-wolf pack. We wouldn't have gotten very far. Not to say we've really gotten anywhere, in terms of answers, but we're somewhere.

And we're pack.

[puppyface]

Fine. Thaaat's what I asked.

[He clears his throat again, shifting uncomfortably and pouting, almost glad he can't be seen doing so.]

That's what I asked, not if we'd be better off with a different leader.

[Christ, it's like they don't even listen to eachother.

...wait.]

...I'm sorry about what happened to her, anyway.

[It's quiet, but honest. Even if he's said it (mostly exasperatedly) a million times by now.]

[triskeles]

[ They kind of don't, Scott. But to be fair, Derek's mind has been on 'them without him,' rather than 'him without them,' ever since the second ghost. It's rather easy for him to shift the way of the latter, not the former. ]

Considering past events, including fairly recent ones, it's not that misplaced as a misinterpretation.

[ And there, he falls into silence again. It'd be easy to assume, with the lengthy pause, that he's actually finished his response. Even with Scott's returned hearing.

After a good handful of minutes, though, he speaks again. ]

... thanks.

[puppyface]

If you're talking about the dream, you never told me- or anyone- what you dreamed when I told you. You don't... have to, but seriously, you said the dreams didn't matter. They weren't real.

[And at Derek's thanks, Scott has to take a moment to decide what to say.]

...She must have been really great.

[triskeles]

[ He snorts, almost dismissively at the thought. ]

Scott, you and I both said the dreams weren't real. That doesn't change the fact that yours scared the shit out of you, though, does it?

[ Telling Scott that it was fine, or that he'd gotten to finally bury his sister properly, had occurred to him. But it wasn't fine, and that was hardly a comfort to Derek when he'd barely gotten to mourn her. Peter had to be dealt with, and then the kanima happened, with a looming threat of the alpha pack... ]

She was. You probably would've liked her.

[ There's no probably about it. ]

[puppyface]

Sometimes when we're scared, though, it just... means we've gotta remember we're stronger than that fear.

Human or not. Fear's kind of a dream, too. 'S only there because we let it be.

[Or at least, that's what his mom used to tell him back in the days he was afraid of the dark. And other things.]

I like a lot of people, Derek.

[That, at least, is about 50% or more a joke, and he can't resist giving a little snort of his own.]

[triskeles]

Like I said-- no point lingering on it when I can do something about it, but it's a reminder.

[ Especially with it so fresh in his mind. Derek drowns in his guilt and grief, but there's a difference in that and what he feels in regards to that dream. Real or not.

There's an actual, honest chuckle at that, though. It helps ease the tension off. ]

All right, you might've been friends with her.

[puppyface]

Dude, I think that's the first time I've heard you laugh at something that wasn't completely cynical.

[Does he get an award for that?]

She must have been nice, then.

[triskeles]

Does laughing at Stiles count?

[ Because he did that quite a few times yesterday, and it definitely wasn't all cynical. Except it was kind of him being an ass, for most of it.

He has to bite his tongue on you remind me of her before it comes out. ]

Everybody liked her. In Beacon Hills, and New York.

[puppyface]

Stiles is funny, though. Eeeven if he doesn't always mean to be.

[What? He loves the hell out of his best friend but that doesn't mean he thinks he's God or anything.]

...Was it.... I mean, I guess it has to be a good thing to have a sibling. That's a stupid question.

[But hell if he would ever, ever want one. Not if it meant they were born by the same dad. Sure- he loved his dad for being his dad (just like Isaac loved his-) but that didn't mean he wanted his dad to be anyone else's.]

[triskeles]

He likes to think he's hilarious. Personally, I think he's hilarious with a face full of snow.

[ Derek, you really ought not sound so amused by that. But it does help ease the secondary portion of the conversation, if only because he's balancing out talking about his family with Stiles' snow-induced misery. ]

It... had all of its good and bad points. But we were family. We were pack.

[ Nevermind the sense that all of his cousins, both younger and older, were like siblings, too. It didn't matter who had this parent or that parent. To Derek, they'd all felt like brothers and sisters. ]